LEARNING TO TRUST HIM
Olivia Bowens
Becoming a mom can sometimes make you forget about your past. Being so focused on your kids can blur out the rest of your life. But then there are times when you remember, and you can reflect on just far you’ve come. I want to share with you a little part of my story.:
Just weeks into my freshmen year of college my boyfriend, Toddrick, called my phone with tragic news. His best friend had passed away in a car accident. Todd had been best friends with him since they were young children and he was practically family. When I heard the news I was stunned I didn’t know what to say. What shocked me even more was what Toddrick had to say after that.
“ We can’t keep watching TV, and listening to all this secular music. We need to get ourselves together. I want you to start reading your bible everyday. Let’s read it together."
Toddrick wanted me to do something I had never really done before. He wanted me to take God seriously. I’d gone to church and prayed before eating but I never was 100% committed to trying to walk in the light. I thank God that He opened the "eyes of my heart so that I could know the depth and height of His love" (Eph. 3:18) The passing of his friend changed him. He was so much more aware of just how serious it was to walk with the Lord. The funny thing about committing yourself to Christ is that you are never arriving always in the journey of complete refinement.
By the time Toddrick and I got married it wasn’t long before issues began to surface. I had grown up watching my mother be the provider. She worked, she cooked, she cleaned, she did everything. Naturally, I thought I was going to do the same thing. It quickly came to light that my life would not be exactly like my mother’s. Me and Toddrick had a baby and he wanted to be the sole provider. I was still in school and couldn’t manage, school, baby raising, and a career. This sounds logical but to me it was crushing. I for so long looked forward to the day where I would be like my mom and juggle a job and mommy life. What I didn’t realize is that I wasn’t just desiring to be a career woman, I was putting my personal dreams before everyone else. I was frustrated, angry, unappreciative and moody and nothing could help.
Thankfully, God helped me to see what the real issue was. I spent many years of my life waiting for the day that I could fulfill my plan. I had spent zero years waiting to fulfill God’s plan. I was not flexible to what God had set up for my life and I wanted to rigidly adhere to the plan I had created. My desires were so strong that I became selfish. I could not see past the fact that I wasn’t getting what I wanted. Then I looked at my daughter and said to myself, “aren’t you blessed to be able to spend every single day with this little baby?” I cried, I prayed and I grew from having a selfish view
Toddrick did not want to lose his best friend As I look back and reflect on everything that me and my husband have been through I remember how strong he was when he lost his best friend. I realized that sometimes it is not the events in your life that are paramount but the way in which you react to the events in your life. Instead of falling into anger or sadness Toddrick took it as an opportunity to make a better decision. Instead of being bitter about putting my personal goals on hold and becoming a 21 year old stay at home mom I am trying my best to be joyfully at peace with my present circumstances. I didn’t want to give up my dreams but committing myself to raising my daughter and putting my plans on the back burner has taught me tremendously. I have learned that God has the last say when it comes to my life and I have to be content with that. For me that means being a stay at home mom, but weather you stay at home, work, work from home and other variation God’s infinite wisdom and omniscient view is worthy to be trusted in all facets of motherhood. But honestly that kind of trust takes time to develop. That’s why I replay this verse in my mind so often and I think all mommas can benefit from meditating on this.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:6-7
As I continue into motherhood I look forward to the days I will teach my baby girl that no matter what she learns from me, her friends and the rest of the world her faith and trust, her guidance should come from the Lord. To me, that is truly something special.
REMEMBER, TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME, PRAY FOR STRENGTH AND GROW.
