Walking into Walmart I am reminded that it is “Back 2 School” season. Seeing all of the school supplies reminds me of how excited I use to get about reuniting with all my school friends on the first day of school. But now that I am no longer in school I don’t have an annual meet up with a big group of friends. In fact becoming a mother and wife has slowed down my social life. Without the regular lunch time chit chat and everyday interaction with girlfriends it can be easy to get lost in mommy world. And although my husband gets five stars in the daddy department he doesn’t rank as well in the “relating to the trials of motherhood” department. And thats not his fault! He’s never been pregnant, or nursed a baby, or been a mother. Even though my daughter has been a blessing I still have found myself in a reoccurring thought pattern of:
No one understands me!
What is my life!?
*meets up with a friend for a few hours
Life is great!
I realized, I need a mommy tribe. There was a radical shift from my pregnant days to full on motherhood. One day I was daydreaming about watching my baby girl grow. The next moment I'm conducting 3 a.m. Google searches on the secret formula of getting my child to sleep through the night. The sleep deprivation was real! But there was something so satisfying about being able to vent to my friend about my daughters latest milestone; grabbing, which equals plates and bowls hitting the floor at dinner time. But sometimes I needed to talk to someone that could understand because they are a mom too. But I knew from college that choosing friends wisely is hard, and should be done carefully. But I am glad that God has given me a clean slate to create a new circle of (mom) friends. But what does a good mommy tribe look like?
Proverbs 12:26 The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. Our friends should be there for wise counsel, guidance, and accountability because, “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33. A good mentor of mine gave me a formula to creating a circle of people that you meaningfully and regularly engage with. With that advice in mind, here are
Three steps to creating your mama crew.:
1. FIND A MENTOR (to teach you)
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Titus 2:3-5
2. CONNECT WITH A PEER (to confide in and keep you accountable)
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. This should ideally be someone who is going through the same stage of life as you. And even though carving out time for a mommy friend might seem self-indulgent it is something the bible tells us is good. So prioritize this!
3. DISCIPLE A YOUNGER FRIEND (to help Someone else)
Proverbs 27:9 Ointments and perfume encourage the heart; in a similar way, a friend’s advice is sweet to the soul
The group of women that become your “tribe” doesn’t have to meet every week or even know each other, or you all could be best friends. Either way finding these people can help give you the fellowship you need. Coming out of college I left a lot of great friends behind. But I am praying that the Lord will give me clarity and guidance on women that I can fellowship with. I hope that you take this in prayer and remember that you don’t have to go rally up the woman at your church (albeit a good idea for some people) but you can begin to be cognizant of the mothers in your life that have the potential to become apart of your tribe. “You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. choose carefully.”
Do you have a mommy tribe? Share this with the women in your (potential) tribe of mothers.
Next week we will be diving into identity as mothers and hearing from two guest bloggers! Subscribe to be notified when our next blog post is published.
If you are in the South Jersey Area and looking for some moms to connect with then check out ou next growing up gorgeous event.
& Remember, take it one day at a time, pray for strength and grow.