Breaking My Silence
by Guest Blogger Tiani Wright
I was in a difficult place about a year ago. At the time, I was fully pursuing blogging as my passion and slowly working toward introducing myself to the world as a photographer. Looking back, it is truly amazing to see how my testimony has evolved. Even as I type this, The Lord is revealing to me sweet little bits and pieces for the sake of continuing to strengthen myself and my story.
Tiana and her family. See more of her photography and writing at Kai Noelle.
What story? That of a writer, an artist, and someone who typically loved to uplift and encourage others, who had been battling with a serious feeling of inadequacy as a mother, wife, business owner, and most importantly, as a Christian. This feeling had affected me so that it actually silenced me for an unfortunate amount of time. I went from being encouraging and speaking of God’s graciousness almost daily, to feeling as if what I wanted to say just wasn’t good enough at all. That I couldn’t possibly put into words just how great He is, has been, and forever will be. And so, I managed to just not say anything. Every time I would go to praise Christ openly, I was at a loss for words. Seriously, the words just left me.
And so, I remained quiet. The urge and the desire to praise, to shout to the world as loudly as I could how truly magnificent He is, was strong and was surely there, however…isn’t that the enemy for you?! Not only had I managed to remain quiet, but I was blind to the fact that not allowing God’s word to fully penetrate me in the way in which it should was actually doing a serious degree of harm. But get this, this wasn’t just a problem that affected only me. This feeling, and the mild to moderate doses of neglect that came along with, also affected my children and those around me. I quickly began to realize that temporarily losing my “voice” as a Christian also meant that I was losing my “saltiness” and the ability to be truly effective and evoke positive change as a mother and as a wife.
What’s amazing about our God is that He loves to reveal to us the way to eternal life; so in that moment, silence was no longer an option for me. Praying differently had become my priority. It was time for me to take the necessary steps to grow as a Christian.
“For everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” - Hebrews 5:13-14
I chose to dig deeper into the word. The more I searched, the more Christ began to reveal to me.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.” -Matthew 7:7-8
To my surprise, what Christ revealed had little do with me, and a whole lot more to do with the four little lives that have truly changed me for the better. I began to realize that simply just praying for our children wasn’t enough; I needed to do and be way more. More of me was essential, because as a mother I am responsible for filling them with the same hope that I had received and still possess. I was, and still am, responsible for filling them with something far more fruitful than what the material things of this world have to offer. God had placed a fraction of the molding and the shaping of my one young man and our three little women essentially in the palms of my hands as a mother.
With this rediscovery of purpose came one person, reconnected in Christ, and fully emerged. My focus shifted from what I thought I lacked at the moment, a loss of “voice,” to everything that our children stood to gain as the direct result of my reconnection and recommitment to the Savior. My heart smiles today, because as I grew in Christ, so did our children. Prayer led me to begin to pay attention to them—I mean truly pay attention to them. I observed what they watched, what they heard, how they spoke, and how I, as a mother, poured into them. I became mindful of what they consumed, all in an effort to prevent the world from consuming them.
Through this, the “voice” that was once lost reemerged. It is now present and stronger than ever because through prayer, I’ve realized that that “voice” is essential to the raising of God-fearing human beings. Our children are now growing into their own, and it is absolutely beautiful to see what God revealed in each them. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that Christ is smiling knowing how I’ve begun to water the seeds that He’s planted. In the end, my voice as a Christian reemerged, bolder and more distinct than it’s ever been, and in turn my voice as a mother grew as well.
Mothers, our children are young missionaries. Every day they go out onto the battlefields at their schools, college campuses, places of employment, and local social clubs and venues. Pouring Christ into them early fills them to the brim and prepares them to share messages of that same love, hope, and redemption with any and everyone that they come into contact with. This in turn waters a whole entire world of seeds. Who would’ve ever thought that one simple prayer, a prayer for a “voice”, would lead to promises of unconditional love and acceptance for me, and children who are growing to become blameless and pure in the sight of God? I will forever be grateful for what The Lord revealed to me during that temporary moment of despair, and moving forward, praise will forever be upon my lips.
Tiani is a SWFL based Photographer and the content curator for Kai Noelle, an outward expression of her love for faith, family, and photography. With these three passions serving as her anchor, Tiani is excited to share her perspective on all things Christ, life, and love related.
